Guys I feel like I haven’t stopped in an entire month!! Between getting ready for boards, 3 summer classes (with tons of papers, forgive me if I cite in APA format in this blog post), Harry’s medical/therapy/social calendar, training for a marathon…I’m beat! I just want to sleep! I feel like I’m only home to do that. Luckily Harry, Dada and I have been able to squeeze in a lot of fun over the summer, or else I’d be really cranky.
Marathon training has been a little rough lately. My mud run hematoma leg is still a bit “throbby” and sore at times. Compression sleeves really help, but I’m still in a bit of pain. The other night I slammed my foot into the vent in our bedroom and I’m pretty sure I broke my right pinky toe, which is the opposite side from hematoma leg, so I guess I’m evened out. Beyond the soreness, the miles are starting to add up. It’s getting tough now. The long run miles are really starting to increase, and so is my panic. I spend most of my time thinking, “How am I ever going to run 26 miles??” and then wanting to cry. The other day, mid run, I convinced myself I should downgrade from the Marine Corps Marathon to their 10k. I was sure I couldn’t possibly do enough. Eventually I finished 12 miles and survived, so I guess I’m okay after all.
I never really found some zen-like clarity or motivation that helped me get through the tough stuff. I couldn’t even tap in to my usual motivation of doing it for Harry and those who need it. I searched for some driving force to help me get through it, and there wasn’t anything there. Instead of moving forward invigorated, I was stuck. In fact, I took many days off of running to rest both my legs and my brain. In the end I realized that sometimes, all you can do is just get through your breath. In and out. One at a time. In and out. Getting through the breath is the success, even if it’s a small one. The other piece is not beating yourself up. I deserve this rest, and it won’t be forever! This too shall pass, right? I sure hope so!